Monday, January 31, 2005
Its an angel! 
Fellow nonsense blogger Kev has knocked up this rather impressive blog which has absolutely nowt to do with Arbroath.
Totally mental - an interview with The Simpsons
I can't work out if this means you are minted or not, making wallets out of money
it’s officialy monday again. another week of mindless drudgery and stolen red staplers. if going postal with a nerf gun isn’t your bag, perhaps something more subtle such as this mini claymore mine would be more appropriate. you can make one from common materials found in your desk drawer and a strech of scotch tape provides a functional and decorative trip wire. yeah, probably a really bad idea but who cares? (as ever the chimp accepts NO RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER thanks for this link go to Hack-a-Day)
Saturday, January 29, 2005
For all your right wing humour needs check out Sir Peter Maxwell he's like Alan Partridge crossed with Boris Johnson
Man peed way out of avalanche
A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it.
Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains. He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out.
But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through. He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported.
A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it.
Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains. He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out.
But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through. He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported.
Thanks Keith for your commitment to research in the, er, bum department
Simply horrific Finnish Disco tat
All hail Joel Veitch - he has created a Ska band from mere chimps and they knock out a belting tune 'The First Drink Of The Day'
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Spectacular skydiving video
Sod the flowers, say it with boobs
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
oscar nominations are out
There are only 10 types of people in this world - those that understand binary and those that don't
Monday, January 24, 2005
Homer Simpson is alive?
PRAGUE (Reuters) - A Czech man is being taken to court after he hid in a restaurant washroom until the employees had left and then hooked up beer kegs directly to his mouth. Cleaning staff found him drunk and lying on the floor of the bar at the restaurant in the city of Brno, about 200km (120 miles) east of Prague, the CTK news agency reported on Thursday.
"He had broken the door of the cooling mechanism ... and detached the hoses leading from the keg, squashed them in his mouth and literally filled himself up with beer," CTK quoted a police official as saying. The man will be charged with damaging property because he caused 8,000 crown ($340) damage to the beer cooling box.
PRAGUE (Reuters) - A Czech man is being taken to court after he hid in a restaurant washroom until the employees had left and then hooked up beer kegs directly to his mouth. Cleaning staff found him drunk and lying on the floor of the bar at the restaurant in the city of Brno, about 200km (120 miles) east of Prague, the CTK news agency reported on Thursday.
"He had broken the door of the cooling mechanism ... and detached the hoses leading from the keg, squashed them in his mouth and literally filled himself up with beer," CTK quoted a police official as saying. The man will be charged with damaging property because he caused 8,000 crown ($340) damage to the beer cooling box.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Pretty mental really, watch this guy light a banger in his mouth
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Waste 5 minutes of your life comparing your height to that of famous people, happily I'm taller than both Hitler and Cameron Diaz but hey we're all the same height in bed.
Friday, January 21, 2005
The Madness Of King George W
Nickelback, you lazy, talentless bunch of wankers. What, did you think nobody would notice that you're recycling your hideous dirge and selling it all over again to your deluded fan base? You bastards, you're taking advantage of those tone deaf MTV brainwashed twats who are too thick to notice you're releasing songs that are EXACTLY THE SAME as ones you recorded earlier
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Weather man with tourettes
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
write your name on the snow
Yes yes it may well be a repost but hey its a good un, it certainly beats 90% of the recycled shite that turns up in my inbox, why what else could it be - celebrity swearing
Monday, January 17, 2005
'Supper With The Stars' is a new service to deliver your chosen celebrity to your dinner party, its great if you have a loose definition of 'celebrity' or are desperate for Syd Little to pester your guests
Friday, January 14, 2005
Remember, you saw it here first, the cover for the final Harry Potter book
smart little animation
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Next time your at the dentist having a filling why don't you splash out? what about a pair of platinum and diamond spinning teeth - rather good apparently if you are a 'Home-Boy'
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Howdy, heres a list of the worst words and abbreviations to use for your computer passwords, yeah yeah I know it sounds geeky, but have a look for some of yours and you may just find them
Is someone trying to give me a hint?
"SUNSHINE Coast great-grandmother Terry Horder got the fright of her life when she accidentally stuck her eyes shut with super-strength glue.
The 78-year-old Wurtulla resident was defrosting the fridge when her eyes started watering and she reached for a bottle of allergy eye drops.
But instead of grabbing the medicated drops she got Loctite 401 instant glue. The powerful adhesive was being kept in the fridge to avoid heat damage.
"That second my eyes were glued shut and I realised the glue was next to the drops in the fridge," Mrs Horder said."
Friday, January 07, 2005
Rob Manuel pulls it off again, this time totally destroying 'Vertigo' by U2 - the man's a genius for Chrissakes
A 4 yr old drummer? WTF?! click here to watch the video, he's from the states (where else?) and he's clearly very talented although I found the video to be faintly reminiscent of those old Tetley ads with the chimps in clothes...
(PS. Jon, we all reckon your Finlay is better)
(PS. Jon, we all reckon your Finlay is better)
This guy has done some mental modifications on an old-school hearse
Football fan's £10K hangover
"A drunk football fan woke in a bar to find other supporters had bought around 6,000 drinks with his credit card. The Norwegian businessman had flown from Oslo to Portugal to watch Rosenborg play in Porto. But he nodded off in a corner and other visiting fans ran up a £10,000 bill on his card reports The Sun. The 38-year-old, who did not wish to be named, said: "I remember falling asleep and when I woke they wanted me to sign. But I won't pay. I had too much to drink and my card was misued."
"A drunk football fan woke in a bar to find other supporters had bought around 6,000 drinks with his credit card. The Norwegian businessman had flown from Oslo to Portugal to watch Rosenborg play in Porto. But he nodded off in a corner and other visiting fans ran up a £10,000 bill on his card reports The Sun. The 38-year-old, who did not wish to be named, said: "I remember falling asleep and when I woke they wanted me to sign. But I won't pay. I had too much to drink and my card was misued."
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Music lovers why not take a mosey on over to FunkDub its a refreshingly cool site with up to the minute news on proper music, and if that wasn't enough its got a monkey theme (like all the best websites)
The Village People: The Next Generation
The industrious of you out there can get all the help you need from this site to learn how to transform T-shirts into underwear
Boybands eh? deary me, if having a name like 'Upsyde down' and an alarmingly homo-erotic appearance wasn't bad enough these boys take things one step further, how I hear you scream can they be worse? Well they can pretty much have the odds stacked against them by being from Iraq the sad thing is, if some London based internet wizzo knocked this up I would laugh my botty off but these guys are real
It turns out that Michael Schumacher isn't the heartless robot we all suspected.
Morning chimps, I just recieved a charming and very flattering e-mail from a lady of the night, no, I haven't been reading my spam again this is for real, her blog is a fascinating look into the life of a New York escort (although you might want to look at the site at home rather than at work if, er you get my drift) enjoy!
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
unplanned freefall? Some useful survival tips
Scissor Sisters kick off 2005 in style with their new single Filthy Gorgeous here (Windows media player stream)
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
We've all been there, dancing away like a tw@t thinking no one can see us
This is mustard, we all know of Morrisons (used to be Safeways in this neck of the woods) well some poor buggers have to shop there, and some even more unfortunate souls work there (are you listening Pete?) this is the blog of one of them and it lists the sheer tedium of being in retail purgatory - "I'm really really sick of managers sitting on their arses in the canteen all day drinking coffee. Today i had my dinner hour and my 15 minute afternoon break together... i walked into the canteen and they were all there sat in one big group... the gm, dupty manager, 2 adm's, personal manager. About 5 minutes later they got up and went out - 45 minutes later the General Manager walked in and i heard him on his walkie talkie -- "you lot coming for a brew", within 2 minutes, they all walked in and had another 30 minute break. --- really does take the piss."
Happy new year boys and girls, with official Papal blessing the chimp rides again into 2005
